Divorce agreement

FINALLY A SOLUTION TO THE ENTIRE ENCHILADA……. MUST

READ FOR ALL AMERICANS. THEN VOTE……………

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is our separation agreement:

–Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

–We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.

–You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

–Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.

–We’ll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.

–You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, Rosie O’Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them.

–We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.

–You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.

–We’ll keep the smart diverse and conservative Governors like Susanna Martinez & Niki Haley, greedy CEO’s and rednecks and you can keep Jerry Brown, Bernie Sanders & e-mail Hillary.

–We’ll keep Bill O ‘ Reilly, and Bibles and give you CNBC and Hollywood .

–You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

–You can have the peaceniks, war protesters, Black Lives Matter people and all the sanctuary cities.

— When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help protect & provide them security.

–We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

–You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

–We’ll keep the SUV’s, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.

–You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors who’re willing to forego payment.

–We’ll keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and “The National Anthem.”, and a whole slew of Country songs.

–I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine”, “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing”, “Kum Ba Ya” , “We Are the World”, & all of the anti establishment Rap songs.

–We’ll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

–Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you might think about which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand, Al Sharpton, Alan Grayson, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, and ( Hanoi ) Jane Fonda with you.

P.S.S. And you won’t have to press 1 for English when you call our country.

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